When someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, your role as caregiver takes on special meaning. You’re not just helping with appointments and medicines. You’re helping them feel seen, safe, affirmed and supported in body, identity and relationship. The National LGBT Cancer Project ( https://lgbtcancer.org ) helps you understand what to focus on, how to show up and how to help your loved one thrive.
What makes this situation unique
Loved ones may worry about being mis-gendered, excluded, misunderstood or not recognised by medical staff. Ensuring their identity is respected is part of their care.
Their support network may include a partner or chosen family rather than traditional biological family. You may need to help ensure those relationships are recognised in the treatment setting.
They may have additional stressors: prior discrimination in healthcare, fear of outing, concern over insurance or partner rights, which affect how they cope with cancer.
As caregiver you’ll need both the usual tasks and these awareness aspects: identity-affirmation, inclusive communication, partner support, and cultural competence.
Key areas for you to focus on
1. Build trust and affirmation
Ask: “How do you want me to support your identity when we talk to the care team?”
Be visible as their ally: at appointments you can help ensure medical staff treat them fully, ask respectful questions and include their partner/ chosen family.
2. Navigate appointments and communication
Prepare questions together: identity-friendly language, partner inclusion, effect of treatment on body/sexuality/identity.
Help them track appointments, side-effects, and how they feel about identity and body changes.
After visits, check in: “Did you feel seen? Did you feel we used your pronouns? Did you feel your partner/chosen family was included?”
3. Support their emotional and relationship needs
Create safe space to talk about fears: about cancer and about identity, body image, intimacy changes, partner dynamics.
If their partner/support person needs support too, help connect them with peer groups or resources for caregivers of LGBTQ cancer patients.
Encourage shared decision-making: cancer treatment impacts identity, body, partner/relationship. Help your loved one ask: “How will this affect my identity? My partner? My life post-treatment?”
4. Practical care tasks with awareness
Manage logistics: rides, meals, meds, follow-ups—but also check that medical forms reflect their identity, that partner/ chosen family rights are recorded, that their body/identity concerns are on record.
Keep an organised folder: medications, side-effects log, identity/affirmation notes (hormones, surgeries, partner status) so the care team has full context.
Offer respite: caregiving is hard. Ensure you take care of yourself so you can support them sustainably.
Action steps for you
At your next appointment: ask the care team about inclusive partner/representation rights , pronouns/identity in records, and how treatment may affect body/identity/sexuality for your loved one.
Create a weekly check-in with the patient and the partner/chosen family: how are you both doing? What changed? What do you need this week?