Your relationship may have unique dimensions: partner roles, chosen family, sexual and gender identity issues, intimacy and body image concerns.
What changes you may face
Role reversal and identity shifts:
You may move from friend or partner role into caregiver role, which affects intimacy, support dynamics, shared identity and time.
Body, sexuality & identity changes:
Treatment may alter a cancer patients’ body, sexual function or gender-affirmation path; this may affect how they see themselves and how you connect.
Disclosure and partner/ chosen-family recognition: If your loved one is not “out” in all settings, cancer may trigger disclosure or complicate partner/legal recognition.
Emotional load for both of you: The cancer patient may worry about their identity, future relationships, fertility, partner’s support; you may worry about being excluded, unseen, losing partnership equality.
Tools to maintain healthy communication & relationships
1. Establish open, ongoing dialogue:
Schedule regular check-ins together: “How am I doing? How are you doing?” Include identity questions: “How am I feeling about my body/identity now?”
Ask: “What do you need from me this week—emotional, practical, partner intimacy?”
2. Address intimacy and sexuality:
Recognise that treatment affects intimacy. Discuss changes openly: body image, sexual roles, desire, gender-affirmation effects.
Seek a sex-therapist or counsellor experienced with LGBTQ survivors if needed.
3. Partner/ chosen-family inclusion:
Define together who counts as “family” and ensure that memory, caregiving tasks, decision-making include that group.
Prepare caregiving/partnership roles: who schedules appointments, who updates side-effect logs, how you share partner time vs caregiving time.
4. Maintain your relationship outside cancer:
Dedicate time for activities that remind you both of your connection beyond illness: a walk, a movie, a date.
Acknowledge that your relationship is evolving. Use phrases like: “We are shifting how we partner, support and live. How do we define us now?”
Action step for you
This week create a “communication map”: list three ways your relationship has shifted since diagnosis (roles, tasks, identity). Schedule a 30-minute conversation with your loved one to discuss how you both want to proceed moving forward, including identity, intimacy and caregiving roles.